I'm So Glad I Don't Feel Like A Ghost Anymore

I was reminiscing on my old blogs, and it's bizarre to re-experience that version of myself. I was doing my best, and seemed full of creativity and aspirations. But me from 2012 seems soo far removed from who I am today. That version of me is still a part of me, but they wouldn't recognize me today. I was myself, creative and weird, but also tried to be something I'm not, tried to fit in so hard. I didn't know I was actually non-binary and autistic the whole time. So even though I still struggle with a lot of the same things, I am soo much better than I used to be. 

I used to feel like a ghost. I still don't feel like a human, I still don't know what I'm doing, but I feel soo much more alive and like myself than I did back then. And I'm beyond grateful to myself for that. 

So maybe I'd have more success online if I had stuck to one blog, one account with one username, but I'm constantly evolving into a better version of myself and sticking to those identities would be a disservice to myself. I think that's the main reason most of my usernames are my actual name now because I can stick with that throughout the years. There truly are no words or names to define me, but I can't deny having a human name in this human body.

And even though I no longer identify with those older versions of myself, they are still a part of my story. I can only hope that years down the road, I'll look back on this time and say "wow, I've grown so much since then."

So I'm back, I guess lol. I might not own this blog because Google does. But my blog has been one of the few places on the internet that feels like I can be myself without really worrying what people think. Without scrolling endlessly on other people's pages. There's no comparison or reason to be disingenuous. It might not make me money like other sites potentially could, but I don't care anymore. 

I just want to be myself and share it with the world. I want true community and self-expression. I want to have a place to post my art other than social media. So here I am, gonna do this blogging thing again.